It’s kind of a funny story

Dear reader,

It’s the end of February and that means that yet another Smaxx-month has passed. So let’s review another book.

In our little Smaxx world, February was all about this book; It’s kind of a funny story, written by Ned Vizzini. The cover says that this is a very important book and I can only agree. In It’s kinds of a funny story the author gives you a quick peek inside the head of a person who’s dealing with a depression. Not a chance you get very often.

I have to say it was very good, but also very confronting. I really recognized myself in some ways. His train of thoughts, the distress.. that scared me a bit sometimes. But the way Craig (the main character) dealt with this all was very inspiring. Let me explain.

When a person is depressed, they often don’t see the good sides of life anymore. And when everything in their lives turns to black, there’s no stopping them anymore. They kill themselves if they dare. But not Craig. Craig is so stressed about his school stuff and his future that he wants to throw himself of the Brooklyn Bridge. The easy way out. But he stresses even more when he doesn’t know what to do with his bike.
He takes one of his mom’s books How to survive the loss of a love and looks up what to do when feeling suicidal. He then calls the suicide hotline and they tell him to go to the hospital. And before he knows it, he’s admitted himself to Six North, adult psychiatric.

And I think this is so brave. There aren’t many people who think that clearly.

I do have to say. When I was about halfway through the book, I started to recognize this story. It turns out that there’s a movie based on this book. And guess what.. I’ve seen that movie.

So if you don’t like reading, you could always watch the movie. I’m being real here. Do it. Watch it. Read it. Live it. It ís important to know what a depression can do to a person. And I know that suffering from a depression is different for everyone, but at least it’s a start. There should be more of these books, just to get people to understand.
And this is real. Ned Vizzini wrote this a week after being released from his own Six North.

So all in all, I think this is one of the most important books on my shelve.

Maxx, I hope you feel the same way I do. I really hope you enjoyed my choice of books for February and I will see you in March!

Much love,



No small talk for me

Dear reader,

Sometimes the small things in life are the hardest.

I’m currently at my (hopefully) last internship where I work as a web editor. There’s a lot that I have yet to learn and I know the names of approximately two per cent of the people I work with. I don’t know the city, I get lost easily and I’m not very good at making new friends.

I was easy for me to talk to strangers, but this last year has been quite difficult. I’ve noticed that I’m a lot quieter and I don’t talk as easily as I used to. I’m not good at small talk, I don’t want to sound stupid when I say something, so I think a lot. And I don’t know any of these people.

It’s not like I’m scared of them, ‘cause they’re all so nice. I just can’t find the right words to say. It’s all so overwhelming.

It’s scary to be the ‘new one’, but someone’s got to do it and it will pass. And until then… I’ll just try my hardest and do what I can.

Much love,


Angel vs. Devil

Dear reader,

It sometimes feels as if there is an angel on my right shoulder and a devil on my left. They talk to me. “Don’t come out of bed today, no need. Your classmates won’t care if you’re not there and you won’t miss anything if you stay in your bed.” That pep talk comes from the devil on my left shoulder. The angel on my right whispers; “Don’t stay in bed. This is your education, it’s what you love doing. You have to get your diploma and you can’t do that if you don’t go to school.”

It’s like this every morning. Every time I have to make a decision, this happens. The pros in my right ear, the cons in my left. The devil stopping me from doing anything, the angel pushing me to accept challenges and learn new things.
It’s making me tired and nervous. Cause every day when I go to school, I feel nervous. The way my classmates will act towards me, the way I act towards them. Will I be able to get all the information into my head? Will I survive the day without breaking down?

But the moment the devil is starting to win, the angel will come back fighting. Pushing me to not give up. Helping me through the day. Too bad the whispering in my right ear isn’t always as strong.

It’s the endless battle that’s making me tired…

Much love,



Think before you say some things

Dear reader,

September sixth was on a Friday this year. And on that day, around 9.30 am, the majority of my classmates agreed on the matter that every person who is depressed should just simply kill themselves. Their argument? It would make the world a better place.

Those who did not agree, chose to stay entirely silent, so I don’t actually know their thoughts on this matter. I stayed silent as well, because I was simply too shocked to say anything.

However, I am one hundred per cent sure that if I would ask them about this, they’d either not remember talking about it, or they’d tell me it was a joke and that I should loosen up a bit and laugh about it.

But when you hear people say stuff like this, when you’re actually fighting a depression, it sticks with you. Joke or not. As a matter of fact, it hasn’t left my thoughts ever since… I just keep thinking about it. What if they are right? But they aren’t right. Right? Wouldn’t it be better to portrait ourselves as fighters? To show them how strong we actually are?

People really shouldn’t say things like that. Ever. You never know who might hear you and how much it can damage a person. What if someone with a depression might actually commit suicide after hearing someone say stuff like that? Even if they don’t know you. Could you live with such a burden? I think not!

I think the world would actually be a better place if everyone would start caring for each other a bit more. And if we would help one another instead of telling others to kill themselves.

Please just think before you speak.

Much love,