Billy and Me

Dear reader,

This book has been on my ‘to read’-list for quite some time. I was so happy when Maxx handed me this book, and may I add, without confetti! I think she learned her lesson.

Billy and Me is about Sophie May, an ordinary girl from an ordinary town who finds herself a not so ordinary boyfriend. And that boyfriend has an even less ordinary lifestyle.

Now, some may say that this book is just a well written fan-fiction that’s been made into a book. But as Giovanna herself is maried to McFly’s Tom Fletcher, I wondered if some of this is based on her own life. At the end of the book she tells us in a Q&A that the idea of it all is indeed based om her own life. But she also says that the celebrity girlfriends are seen in a certain way by the media. She wanted people to read about the different sides of heaving a famous boyfriend.

I think Giovanna did a good job. Yes, it looks just like fan-fiction, but I did like it. An easy read with a lovely plot. But I wonder what Maxx thought about it. I have a feeling that this book was not really her cup of tea, but I could be completely wrong. Although, I don’t think I am.

So Maxx, finish this book and let me (and everybody else) know!

Much love,



It’s kind of a funny story

Dear reader,

It’s the end of February and that means that yet another Smaxx-month has passed. So let’s review another book.

In our little Smaxx world, February was all about this book; It’s kind of a funny story, written by Ned Vizzini. The cover says that this is a very important book and I can only agree. In It’s kinds of a funny story the author gives you a quick peek inside the head of a person who’s dealing with a depression. Not a chance you get very often.

I have to say it was very good, but also very confronting. I really recognized myself in some ways. His train of thoughts, the distress.. that scared me a bit sometimes. But the way Craig (the main character) dealt with this all was very inspiring. Let me explain.

When a person is depressed, they often don’t see the good sides of life anymore. And when everything in their lives turns to black, there’s no stopping them anymore. They kill themselves if they dare. But not Craig. Craig is so stressed about his school stuff and his future that he wants to throw himself of the Brooklyn Bridge. The easy way out. But he stresses even more when he doesn’t know what to do with his bike.
He takes one of his mom’s books How to survive the loss of a love and looks up what to do when feeling suicidal. He then calls the suicide hotline and they tell him to go to the hospital. And before he knows it, he’s admitted himself to Six North, adult psychiatric.

And I think this is so brave. There aren’t many people who think that clearly.

I do have to say. When I was about halfway through the book, I started to recognize this story. It turns out that there’s a movie based on this book. And guess what.. I’ve seen that movie.

So if you don’t like reading, you could always watch the movie. I’m being real here. Do it. Watch it. Read it. Live it. It ís important to know what a depression can do to a person. And I know that suffering from a depression is different for everyone, but at least it’s a start. There should be more of these books, just to get people to understand.
And this is real. Ned Vizzini wrote this a week after being released from his own Six North.

So all in all, I think this is one of the most important books on my shelve.

Maxx, I hope you feel the same way I do. I really hope you enjoyed my choice of books for February and I will see you in March!

Much love,


I am sorry

Dear reader,

I often wonder what it’s like for my mom when I’m having a bad day. And I don’t mean those days when everything goes wrong. Good things can happen on my bad days. It’s just that I feel very low and down. And I don’t want to do anything on those days. I barely leave my room, don’t talk much and I’m not up for anything.

I hate those days and I hate myself on those days. But what does it do to my mom? I mean, it mustn’t feel good to see your kid acting all cranky (though I’m not exactly cranky) and doing nothing. She tries really hard though. Asking me if I want to do something, want to go somewhere or if I want to watch a movie. Or anything for that matter.

I’m really grateful for her trying so hard. I just don’t feel like doing anything on my bad days. I don’t want to bother anybody, cause I’m already bothering myself. And I’m sorry if it seems as though I am pushing you away. I really am sorry.

But don’t take it personally, mom. Cause I still do love you.

Much love,


Bye bye, buddy

Dear readers,

Sorry again, for not posting anything. Last time I told you my dog wasn’t doing well. He had cancer. Had. He passed away on August 21st, only a week after his seventh birthday. I wrote this on August 22nd.


Crying yourself to sleep is awful, but I did it last night. I also think it’s the first of many nights to come for a while. I had to put my dog to sleep yesterday. My buddy had cancer close to his lungs, which made it hard for him to breath, bark and eat. That’s not how the life of a dog is supposed to be. And to be honest, I saw it coming. I already thought I’d lost him a week ago.

Only a week after his seventh birthday, way too soon if you ask me. And I’m going to miss him., so so bad. I’ll miss the way his ears moved while drinking, the way he played with his towel and stray plastic bottles. The way he winked and the way he cried when he heard an ambulance. But mostly I’ll miss him when I come home and see he’s not there. I’m going to miss him getting on his chair when we told him to look after the house while we were gone. And I’m going to miss the noise he made when he saw me get off the bus after being away for a week.

He won’t be there when I come home from my week at school and he won’t be coming to me for a cuddle anymore.

I’m going to miss my buddy, but it’s better this way. No more pain and no more sickness. Peace at last.

I love you, Foufur. Bye bye baby.


You may think it’s cheesy. I don’t care. It’s how I felt at that moment and I was right. I do miss all those little things. I’m dazzled by the numerous times I expect him to walk in or hear him sigh. It’s so silent at home. So quiet. So empty.


Much love,


Facts about me – List number three

This is not really a list about a special topic like fears and artists. This list contains just random facts about me that most likely will come back in other lists as well.

Fact 1 – Strawberries are good for my mood. I don’t know if it works with any type of fruit, but when I feel down or cranky, just give me some strawberries. It’s like the sun in side of me starts shining again. So give me strawberries and you get a happy Sam in return.

Fact 2 – One thing I fear the most are spiders. When I see one I get goose bumps all over my body, I start to sweat and my eyes get teary. Horrible.

Fact 3 – When I die, I want to be buried. I don’t want to be cremated or anything, just buried. I want a nice stone, preferably heart shaped.

Fact 4 – I am a massive Potterhead. I love Harry Potter. The movies, the books, everything. I would love to go to the studios and the theme park. Who is willing to accompany me?

Fact 5 – I love writing. I always bring some pen and paper with me, where ever I go. Luckily we’ve got phones nowadays, so if I forget my pen and paper, it’s not really a problem anymore. But I do this ever since I was a kid. Even in my early days I used to come up with little stories about nothing and everything.

Fact 6 – I love music. I listen to it all the time and I love buying CDs. I don’t download online, I sometimes even rip it off of YouTube. But if I really like an artist, I buy the album. There’s a song or artist for every mood.

Fact 7 – Reading helps me escape from the real world. I love the way you can visit a whole other world, just by turning the page. A world that’s yours and where you won’t be disturbed.

Fact 8 – Visiting concerts is the best way for me to get rid of any bad emotions. Just sing along to the songs, dance and have a good time. It keeps me going for a while.

Fact 9 – I stand up for myself and my friends. If I don’t like what someone says about me or my friends, I’ll say something about it. I’m not just a puppet on a string you can just play with.

Fact 10 – I can’t stand it when people are late or when they don’t keep a promise.

Fact 11 – I don’t call people friends just like that. It’s takes a while. In the meantime, you’ll just be someone I know.

Fact 12 – I am very easily distracted.

Fact 13 – I love my bed. We have a very good relationship.

Fact 14 – I have two brothers and a dog. My father is my neighbour.

Fact 15 – I cry very easily. When someone’s crying on TV, or when I’m reading a story. Even if it’s a good audition on some kind of talent show.

Fact 16 – One day I want to publish a book.

So, how does it feel to get to know me a little bit better?

Much love,


England photo’s

Family trip to England with my brother

Last week I spent my days in England with my family. It was very nice to see them all again and hang out with them. During this trip, I documented everything we did. So here are my notes, not played with or edited, just the way I wrote them while I was there. Enjoy.

10-07-2012 / Tuesday

Right at this moment, I am in an airplane. I always said I was too scared to fly, as I’ve seen the movies and documentaries. But this is the moment. I am actually about to fly for the first time and Ihave to say; I am not even that nervous. Well, not yet. We’re still on the ground, not even moving. Danny is nowhere near me. He’s seated a few rows in front of me, as there weren’t two seats next to each other available anymore.

When I got on the plane, it was so hot and humid. Luckily the plane people turned on the air-conditioning. I believe we’re about to take off. The safety procedures are being showed by the airhostess.

Oh dear, we’re moving now. We’re going backwards, what? Oh, it was turning around. We’re waiting to leave now. I have to say, my tummy starts aching.

Here we go.

This is weird. The pressure keeps changing and my ears are popping all the time. It sucks. My head is spinning and my eyes keep rolling around in their sockets. I’m so dizzy and I am feeling a bit sick.
Adam Lambert ft. Queen on my iPod, it makes me calm down a bit, though. 

The flight attendant is selling cigarettes. Why? You’re not even allowed to smoke on the plane. It makes no sense.

The pilot is telling us that we’re flying about four hundred miles an hour! As if it is nothing.

It feels as if I’ve not even been up in the air for fifteen minutes, but they’re already telling us to buckle up as we’re about to land. As if I would unbuckle my seatbelt.

England is beautiful from up high. The fields, the little villages. It’s a bit surreal actually. I’m up so high. Weird, but beautiful.

Landing was awful! It feels like you’re actually crashing onto the ground. A big bang and you’re down, but I’m happy to be down. London, here I come.

-later that day-

My uncle, Pete, is great. He loves art and has a dragon for a pet. Eddy the pet lizard. Or actually, it’s a dinosaur. There’s a crop circle on the wall in his living room. Looks good!

Danny’s got a bed downstairs in the second living room. I got the guestroom. The walls are mint green with framed paintings on them. The room is filled with a double bed, some shelves with books, a commode and a chair. I think the book thing runs in the family. My mom has a lot of books, my dad does too and now my uncle. I’m getting there as I’ve got two crates filled with books.

 July 11th 2012 / Wednesday

Day two in England. I just woke up and I’m already showered. I’m downstairs eating my breakfast, waiting for my brother so I can charge my phone, as he’s got the adapter.

Eddy is awake and it’s staring at me. Oh god, there’s a grasshopper in his tank. Is it even a grasshopper? It’s crawling, not hopping. Oh well.

Me and my brother will be visiting our grandparents today and the sun is shining, although, I know I shouldn’t say that out loud. We all know what happens if I do. Stupid mother nature.

-later today-

The only downside of today was the fact that my shoes are soaked. Told you about the weather and not saying it out loud…

But apart from all the rain, it was a good day. We spent it with our grandparents and Nico, our niece. I got to meet her daughter, Isla, for the first time. She’s so sweet and funny. John’s a cool bloke as well, he’s Isla’s father and Nico’s boyfriend.

A big downpoint of England so far apart from the rain? The toilets. They hate me. I just can’t get them to flush.

12-07-2012 / Thursday

Don’t get me wrong. The bed is great, the pillows are lovely and it’s nice and quiet outside. But there is so much light coming in trough the curtains. It’s 8am now and I am already not able to get back to sleep anymore.
But if I look at it from the Brightside; the sun is shining! It even feels hot from what I can tell from my open window and there’s not even a cloud in the sky. Let’s hope it stays like this.

-later this day-

We went sightseeing in Gravesend, looking for the Pocahontas statue. I knew it was there, I’ve seen it when I was a kid. I took a picture with it so I could put the two together and look at how much I’ve changed.

This day was a total shopping spree. I bought the Hunger Games trilogy and Danny got Michael McIntyre´s autobiography. We continued our shopping tour in Bluewater shopping centre in Greenhithe. There I bought three cds and my brother got himself two new t-shirts. I also found the onesies I was looking for, but they were 150 pounds, so I’ll just order them online.

Also, we went to the Apple store to get some Wi-Fi and there I met Ed Sheeran’s brother. He wasn’t really his brother, but they sure did look alike. I told him and he said he heard that a lot, but he wasn’t sure if he should take it as a compliment. So I said he should and now my brother thinks I was flirting with him. Can’t you give someone a compliment anymore these days?

The night was simple. We met Pete down at the pub just after six for a few drinks and Danny and I played a game of pool. I totally kicked his but! Well, actually I didn’t, but I did win. He just shot the black ball in the wrong hole. That’s how I mostly win from my friends as well.

Friday 13th

Oh dear, not really a lucky day, I guess?  Well, for most people that is. We didn’t really have anything bad happening to us. We went for lunch with my grandparents and did some more shopping. I bought another book(Pay it forward), sue me. We went for a walk in the park and after that we played a few games of card; banker, put&take and bonk.

At night we went to a pub with Nico, John, Isla and John’s other daughter Niamph. We even got to meet Becky. She’s Nico’s halfsister, but not really our niece, I believe. And at one point she asked me how I met Danny. So I told her he’s my brother, you should’ve seen her face. Priceless. She honestly thought I was his girlfriend!

Saturday July  14th 2012

Today we went to Rochester with Pete, Nico, John and the kids. I really wanted to go there, as it’s the place where Charles Dickens lived, and because there’s an old castle. John, Niamph and I went all the way up and the even saw the evil monster that haunted it!

In Rochester was this beautiful cathedral and down in the crypt Nico and I tried to lift a loose stone from the ground, because we wanted to see what was underneath it. And we did! But it was a really heavy stone, so when we had it up, it slipped out of our hands and you could hear a really big bang. So we just hoped no one had heard it and we just casually finished our round through the cathedral, acting like nothing had happened.

We saw the chalet Charles Dickens had actually lived in and where he has written five of his novels. I don’t know which ones, but I still got myself a little souvenir. I thought, it’s a Charles Dickens town, so I have to get one of his books. So I ended up buying Oliver Twist in England’s biggest second-hand bookshop. A Dickens book from a Dickens town.

July 15th / Sunday

Or should I say Monday, as it is 0:10, right now. It’s weird. Time goes by so unbelievably fast. We’re at the airport right now and our trip to England is as good as over. We’re flying back in just six hours.

We’ve spent our last day with the entire family at the Dartford Festival, so we could say our goodbyes properly. We even ran into our nephew Stephen. We didn’t recognize each other as it’s been so long. I should really visit my English family more often.

Waiting, reading and a bit more waiting. That will be my night.

– – –

The flight back wasn’t actually that bad. I didn’t get sick, my ears didn’t pop and I had a seat next to the window. I took some pictures and I even fell asleep sometimes, as I hadn’t slept the night before. I just didn’t want to sleep, I wanted to enjoy the view from above the clouds. It was beautiful.

I absolutely loved this trip and I honestly think I should visit them more often. I love my family and I love England. It’s my second home.

Much Love,