No small talk for me

Dear reader,

Sometimes the small things in life are the hardest.

I’m currently at my (hopefully) last internship where I work as a web editor. There’s a lot that I have yet to learn and I know the names of approximately two per cent of the people I work with. I don’t know the city, I get lost easily and I’m not very good at making new friends.

I was easy for me to talk to strangers, but this last year has been quite difficult. I’ve noticed that I’m a lot quieter and I don’t talk as easily as I used to. I’m not good at small talk, I don’t want to sound stupid when I say something, so I think a lot. And I don’t know any of these people.

It’s not like I’m scared of them, ‘cause they’re all so nice. I just can’t find the right words to say. It’s all so overwhelming.

It’s scary to be the ‘new one’, but someone’s got to do it and it will pass. And until then… I’ll just try my hardest and do what I can.

Much love,

Sam

Stop joking about it

Dear reader,

I often hear people say that something makes them feel so depressed. A class in school or a certain subject. And yeah, you can feel depressed, but think about the people around you when you say something like that. There may be someone within hearing distance who is fighting a depression. Ever thought about what it’s like for them to hear people make jokes about something they’re suffering from?

When I first told people about my battle, someone asked me if I was OK with joking about it. And I said I didn’t mind, because it seemed so harmless back then. But now… Hearing people joking about feeling depressed cause they got an assignment they don’t like, it hurts. Because those people don’t know what it’s like to battle this awful mental illness. They don’t know what goes on in our heads. They don’t know what we have to go through every single day.

So here’s to the people who never really were depressed and are joking about it. I want to say something to you; please stop. You don’t know what your words might do to someone.

Much love,

Sam

Moving sucks

How much stuff can one person own? I don’t know, but I own a lot!

I’m temporarily moving for my internship on the other side of the country. And it sucks. I literally have fourteen boxed in storage and I brought a fully loaded car back home.It took me a full day to pack and clean and another day to actually move and I would like to thank my mom for helping me do this.

I wish I’d never had to do this ever again, but that is definitely not the case, so I guess I’ll just leave some things packed and keep my room as clean as can be. I know I won’t, but it’s a good thought.

The weird thing actually is, that there are people in the world who move every week or month. Must be horrible. Although.. I do think they don’t have much things they’re attached to. But still… don’t they miss their friends? The memories that were made in a place they’re leaving. It must hurt. And I think I will struggle when I’m leaving Drachten for the rest of my life. That won’t happen the upcoming two years, but still. The thought of it makes me want to cry.

You know, this actually made me think of my lists. Moving will definitely be on my hate list.

Much love,

Sam