It’s kind of a funny story

Dear reader,

It’s the end of February and that means that yet another Smaxx-month has passed. So let’s review another book.

In our little Smaxx world, February was all about this book; It’s kind of a funny story, written by Ned Vizzini. The cover says that this is a very important book and I can only agree. In It’s kinds of a funny story the author gives you a quick peek inside the head of a person who’s dealing with a depression. Not a chance you get very often.

I have to say it was very good, but also very confronting. I really recognized myself in some ways. His train of thoughts, the distress.. that scared me a bit sometimes. But the way Craig (the main character) dealt with this all was very inspiring. Let me explain.

When a person is depressed, they often don’t see the good sides of life anymore. And when everything in their lives turns to black, there’s no stopping them anymore. They kill themselves if they dare. But not Craig. Craig is so stressed about his school stuff and his future that he wants to throw himself of the Brooklyn Bridge. The easy way out. But he stresses even more when he doesn’t know what to do with his bike.
He takes one of his mom’s books How to survive the loss of a love and looks up what to do when feeling suicidal. He then calls the suicide hotline and they tell him to go to the hospital. And before he knows it, he’s admitted himself to Six North, adult psychiatric.

And I think this is so brave. There aren’t many people who think that clearly.

I do have to say. When I was about halfway through the book, I started to recognize this story. It turns out that there’s a movie based on this book. And guess what.. I’ve seen that movie.

So if you don’t like reading, you could always watch the movie. I’m being real here. Do it. Watch it. Read it. Live it. It ís important to know what a depression can do to a person. And I know that suffering from a depression is different for everyone, but at least it’s a start. There should be more of these books, just to get people to understand.
And this is real. Ned Vizzini wrote this a week after being released from his own Six North.

So all in all, I think this is one of the most important books on my shelve.

Maxx, I hope you feel the same way I do. I really hope you enjoyed my choice of books for February and I will see you in March!

Much love,



The worst part of my depression

Dear reader,

Do you know what’s the worst part of being depressed? Trust me when I say I hope you don’t. Cause if you do, it means you’ve been through this yourself.
The worst part is that I don’t see me having a future.

I can’t picture myself after school, having a job. Or moving out and buying or renting a place for myself. I can’t even picture myself having a relationship, or children even.

And I want it. I really do want all that. But right now it just seems impossible and that scares me. A lot. But it doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I am trying to get better, because I really want that job and a place for myself. And maybe even a relationship. Someday.. when I’m ready.

But the talking doesn’t seem to help and my medication isn’t really helping. So I guess, for now, I’ll just stick to the dreams and that little bit of hope in side of me. And then maybe, someday, everything will be ok again.

Much love,


Update on life

Dear readers,

I told you I created this blog so you could get to know me a bit better. But I haven’t really told you anything about myself lately and I don’t know if you care or not, but I guess you do as you are reading this right now.
Anyway.. I decided to give you a little update on my life.

A few weeks ago I got diagnosed as depressed and distressed (<- means having to many emotions). It’s not like I didn’t see it coming, ‘cause I’ve been feeling low since last October.
I’m telling you this because most people are ashamed of being depressed. But why would you? You wouldn’t be ashamed of being diabetic or something. And besides, it’s not contagious so nobody should be worried.

But here’s the deal. I’m not ashamed of it, not at all. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to talk about. There are not many people who know about me being depressed and distressed. And if you’re my friend and you are reading this right now, please don’t assume that I don’t trust you. Cause I do, we wouldn’t be friends if I didn’t. I just don’t like talking about it and I find it hard to put myself in such a vulnerable position. So please don’t be mad?

To end this update with some good news; I am being treated for it, so let’s hope I’ll be better soon.

Much love,